Today’s devotion on the theme of Pastor’s Relationships is by Brian and Amy Bloye

I was having lunch with Andy Stanley, and my single, burning question for him was, “How can I pastor a large, growing church without losing my marriage and my family?” I explained that Amy and I are both very driven people. We’d poured everything we had into getting this church off the ground. We were beginning to feel overwhelmed. It was starting to impact our home life.

His answer rocked my world. Andy looked at me and said, “You have to choose to cheat.”

I was perplexed. “What does that mean?”

“The church wants all of you. Your family needs all of you. You’ve got to cheat one or the other, so you must give yourself permission to choose to cheat the church, then refuse to cheat your family.”

“But . . .”

He explained to me that if I were to lose my family, I would lose my ministry as well. I could always dial back my work hours, but I couldn’t afford to dial back family time. God gave that to us as our first priority. Jesus said he would build his church, but he leaves it up to us to build our families.

It all sounded great. But it was so counterintuitive to what I had always understood about discipleship and ministry. I had always thought that because I was in full-time ministry, God would take care of my marriage and my kids. After all, I was doing his work. I was realizing now that there’s nothing spiritual or godly about workaholism. As a matter of fact, it’s one more form of idolatry.

As Andy unpacked this concept before me, he made one statement that particularly undermined my old way of thinking: “God never promises to make up for misguided priorities.” I realized my view that God would fill in the gaps was some pretty sloppy theology.